Risk #1

Okay, it's here, the first day of my 30 risks challenge.  Even though I'd been diligently working on my list, I was nervous about where to begin, what risks were good and which were cop outs, everything!  But I had to constantly remind myself that this challenge is about me and what I need to do, so here goes.

Day 1:  Write a letter to my sister

For those of you who know me, you're probably thinking, "you talk to your sister ten thousand times every day, why are you writing her a letter?"  That's because most of you forget that I have another sister.  We're 20 years apart (yep I was one of those accident babies lol) and share the same mother, but not the same father.  It wasn't until I was third grade that it dawned on me that she was my "half sister."  We've never used that term, she's always just been my sister.  We've never lived together, she lives in Tennessee with her husband and two sons.  I see them once each year on Thanksgiving.

When I was younger, nothing got me more excited than the prospect of seeing my big sister.  She would come down to my grandparents' house and take us to town and we'd spend a few days having a great time together.  Because I was young back then, I never observed the dynamic between her and my parents.  I was just a 7 year old, happy to be spending time with her big sister.

As I've gotten older though, I have noticed that there is a rift between us.  I have never been able to really get a clear understanding of it, but there is clearly a line drawn: My middle sister Alisha and I on one side, and Veronica on the other. I've had many theories in the past about what has caused this division (issues with our parents, jealousy, anger, etc.) and I've discussed them with close friends and Alisha at length many times.  But I took a moment and realized there was one person I'd never talked to about the situation: Veronica.  It's so easy to laugh and catch up over bottles of wine and a big Thanksgiving dinner every year, but our relationship should (and could) be so much more than that.

So I picked a pretty blank card from Target and my favorite fine point Sharpie and sat down to write.  Instead of being annoyed and complaining about the fact that she doesn't call me on my birthday every year, I'd ask her why.  I'd ask her why she's never sent the boys up to DC to spend some time with me.  I'd ask why she doesn't find our relationship important enough to hold a significant place in her life.  I picked up my pen...and completed freaked out.  It was the strangest thing!  Suddenly I felt nervous about the things I wanted to say to her, how she would take it when she read it, and if this was even an appropriate thing to do.  It was like all the vigor had drained out of me.  But somehow I pushed myself to start writing.  And at the end, I had asked most of the things that bothered me the most.  But most importantly, I wrote them in a kind way.  Not from the accusatory place that I had envisioned and not from the whiny "why don't you call me?!" place either.  It was an open letter from one adult to another, that came from a place of love.  I'm not going to lie, this was no easy task.  I'm hoping this will  help improve our relationship or at least begin a dialogue between us.  And even if doesn't, I'll know that I've certainly put forth my effort.